like cranes in the sky.

a (short version of a long) story and an invitation to expansion.

it all started with an incessant feeling of discontent.

that feeling that something was amiss and my spirit could not be settled. i couldn’t work it away. i couldn’t pray it away. i couldn’t fast it away. i couldn’t drink it away. like Solange, i tried all kinds of remedies and found that they were, indeed, like “cranes in the sky.” in fact, the more i tried to ignore it or run away from it, the more it gnawed at me. the more it disrupted my peace.

the year was 2014. the year i learned that sometimes, you just had to sit with some stuff because the solution is too unclear. i was stuck in a sad and impossible marriage, and i knew that i needed to get out. i was in Chicago, away from my family, but i couldn’t move because i had a job and I needed to finish my Ph.D. program. however, my biggest fear was that i wasn’t financially stable enough to support myself away from my spouse. i felt like i had to stay married to stay alive.

in sitting, i discovered that i knew what i needed to do. i was just so terrified by what would happen after i made a move. my fear of a future that i couldn’t plot or plan was stealing my peace in the present. even though i knew my next step, my fear of what would happen next caused me to stay stuck in a miserable situation that was costing me my joy, causing me to shrink, and compromising my physical health.

while i learned the power of sitting in and with my feelings, i also learned that there comes a point when the sitting has lasted too long. at some point in time, i had to galvanize my courage, my authority, my vision, my faith, and my community to get myself up and move forward. i had to face the future that made me so afraid. it was either me or the marriage. if i stayed, i knew i would dwindle into an unrecognizable version of myself.

i had to move. grow. grieve. heal.

expand.

i didn’t utilize the language of “expand” or any of its derivatives at the time, but when i came into the awareness of this concept, it struck an inner chord. it conjured images of beautiful wide open spaces, mountaintops touching the heavens, sunsets of many colors, vast bodies of water, and night skies populated by effortlessly scintillating stars. it inspired images of myself facing my fears of the unknown, and taking small, but consistent steps, to take up the wide open space that was all around me. I saw myself, seizing my spiritual authority and creative latitude to fill those spaces with my spirit and my words. the concept of expansion gave me language for the work that i had to do to move forward in my life, and the invitation that God was extending to me. it describes the kind of woman and human that i desire to be in this world. it has given me a framework for how i desire to grow, how i desire to practice my spirituality, and how i desire to view the world.

the most important lesson that i learned is that expansion is a process that begins on the inside before it manifests on the outside. it requires the requires a combination of mindset shifts, reevaluation of my beliefs, values, and behaviors, honest assessment of where i’m at, and honest naming of where i desire to be. it requires revisiting my spiritual practice when old disciplines and rituals aren’t as sustaining as they used to be. it requires seasons of contraction to rest, restore and recalibrate for the journey and work ahead. it is an invitation to creativity, faith, growth, healing, and most importantly, love.

last year, i preached a sermon entitled, “Expansion Season” in Sisters Chapel. what began as one sermon evolved into a three-part sermon series all about expansion: unlearning to learn anew, embracing my desire for a more purposeful and fulfilling life, exiting my “comfort zone” to learn new things and gain new experiences, choosing my wellness and flourishing over burnout and depletion, and moving in the spirit of hopeful expectation that my prayers will always be answered, even if they are answered slowly. you can view clips from the series here and here.

the sermon series turned into countless conversations with women of all walks of life. women who, like me, found themselves at a definitive point of having to make willful decisions in their own favor. it even turned into a storytelling session on Instagram.

when i started to really believe the words i preached, i was inspired to expand my ministry to finally permit myself to do some things that i really wanted to do, but i kept making excuses not to do (fear can be so immobilizing, but so convincing #eyeroll!). for example, i obtained a coaching certification to make my love for sitting and strategizing with women official. i redesigned my personal website to reflect who i’m becoming, not only as a preacher, but also as a creative, an entrepreneur, and a human who’s attempting to live a full, authentic, and integrated life. i launched my YouTube channel, because i love video content, and i want to shape and frame my stories on my own terms. in the areas of my personal expansion, i got committed to therapy, self-care, and healing my stories i tell myself about who i am and what i’ve lived through. i wanted to unload the burdens and live lightly. while i will never say that this was or is easy, i will say that it has been freeing to see that there is a sky beyond the cranes.

and now, i’m turning the Expansion work i’ve done into a 3-day virtual ingathering for women of faith. during these three days, we’ll go inward, share stories and perspectives, and tap into our courage to expand. as subscribers to the bloom., you’ve been rocking with me for a while, i wanted you to be the first to know and to have first “dibs” on registration for the ingathering. i’m looking forward to connecting with you in a more intimate way, and sharing a big chunk of my heart with you.

i love this message.

i love being with the sisteren.

i live for the sisterhood is that is life-saving, life-sustaining, and so necessary to heal, grow, and expand.

so, i’m bringing them all together, and i’d love for you to be there.

you can learn more about the ingathering, and register, here.

i’ve been mulling over this for months, but i believe that i’m prepared, positioned, and called to hold this space. this is the latest chapter in my ongoing journey of expansion and growth. if i could name this chapter, i would call it The “go back and get some more sisters” chapter.

i look forward to sharing some of what i’ve learned in these three days, and i hope you’ll pray about joining me, or sharing this with someone who you believe this would bless.